Ear Pain

My ears. They are killing me. It's that splitting pain on my ear drum as if I've just attended a really loud concert. Except the next night, I come back for more despite the fact that they haven't recovered from the previous night. It just compounds upon itself, and now I am just constantly walking around with pain in my ears.

Every evening, I gear myself up for my daughter screaming at me for anywhere from half an hour to an hour and a half. It's not just a constant drone. It is a high-pitched, top-of-her-lungs, non-stop screaming.

I have been meaning to blog it for a week. It has been going strong since last Tuesday. Then, my blog was going to be all about how I don't know what to do. I was going to beg my readers for a magical fix, and then urge them to repost my blog and beg their friends to post advice as well. I suppose I am still VERY open to suggestions, but at the same time I feel like over the last week, I have started to learn to navigate it.

She's frustrated at the end of the day, and while she understands her social setting at school and that to express it there would be inappropriate, she needs to come home to vent it out to me. I get that, and I am trying my best to be sympathetic to it and offer her all the support that I can prior to her expressing herself inappropriately. I know that Tantrums 101 tells you to ignore them so that the child learns that it is ineffective in getting her what she wants. The problem is that she wants ME. I am so very happy to give myself to her and to shower her with love and attention, but as painful as it is, I guess that it's just like anything else; ask appropriately and you shall receive. Stand at my ankles, screaming at the top of your lungs and clawing at my legs, and you shall not. It is so very hard to feel okay about withholding my love from her, just blatantly walking away from her as she's fighting for her life for a hug from Mommy.

Every evening now I gear myself up for another round of it. The moment I pick her up from school I start kissing all over her to show her that I AM here and completely in love with her, and that she doesn't have to act like that to have me. When we get home, I put her down and start holding her hand and guiding her around so that hopefully she knows I am paying attention to her but that holding her all evening is just not an option. I try to anticipate what she needs before she starts screaming, or I try to catch a tantrum before it starts and divert her attention. I get down on the floor with her and play and just try to have a good ol' time. When she is behaving appropriately, I overcompensate with affection and praise.

Anticipate and divert as I may, we still inevitably erupt into a nightly tantrum of some length every night. I am going bonkers. I have been pretty patient, so that is good, but I am just ready for us to get through this. I am ready for my ears to heal up, and not to feel and hear static every time someone speaks to me.

Part of the problem is that she no longer has her paci to help her soothe. We have been without I believe for 2 weeks now. Not only am I trying to teach her appropriate means for getting what she wants, but I am going to have to figure out a way to help her learn to self-soothe. I am sure she is no longer crying FOR the paci now; I think she has always been this way to some degree, but the paci has helped her get through it.

Oh yeah, and did I mention I have another child to care for throughout all this? Bless his heart, he is awful patient and independent. I posted my little video of the two of them throwing simultaneous tantrums on Facebook. That's somewhat of a rarity. He usually just entertains himself, and he is pretty content with the fact that after Macy goes to bed, he has me and Andy all to himself. Still, I hate, hate, hate that I can't devote equal amounts of energy to the two of them (instead, it is more like 95:5).

I have been saying to myself for 16 months now that "this is going to get easier." It has YET to get easier. Please, tell me this is going to get easier soon. I can handle it in the meantime, but I am ready to just sit back and ENJOY my daughter to the fullest. She's awful sweet, and the good moments are amazingly wonderful. I just want way more of them.

HELP!?!?!?!