I was watching Dr. Phil today, and the topic was Stay-at-Home vs. Working Moms. They had several different situations represented - several stay-at-home moms and several working moms, either by necessity or by choice.

I referenced it on Facebook, but there was this one SAHM in particular who basically outright said "I judge you as a mom if you don't stay at home." So self-righteous and holier-than-thou.

We all come to a crossroads when we have children when we have to sit down and make those decisions. Whereas I ultimately think that working makes me a better mom, I am not going to judge a SAHM for not making the same decision as I did for my family. It's not a one-size-fits-all kind of thing.

The first year or so, I had so many moments where my heart was just broken that I couldn't be back home with my child. I felt like I was missing so many moments that I would never get back, and really, this is true - I did miss quite a bit. However, I find the baby phase to be extremely easy and rewarding, and once Liam hit the toddler phase, I started to leave my comfort zone. Fun as all get-out, but boy can it be taxing sometimes.

I think back to the week we took off work just for the heck of it. I got to spend a lot of time with Liam, and I was so appreciative of that time because having a whole week with him was a novelty. By the end of the week, though, I was starting to miss, slightly, the relaxation of my office at work, where I could sit in one place and hear myself think adult thoughts.

I enjoy having that identity outside of my family. I am mom and wife above all else, but I also maintain my separate identity where I am kind of a different person. I have a greater understanding of myself by exploring my identity in different contexts, which makes me a better wife and mom.

If I could stay at home with him, I think that I would get in the mode of being a mommy all day every day and get used to it. I am not saying that I don't want to be with my child every possible moment. I do, however, think that my time away just makes me appreciate the time I DO have with him, and though we have less time together, the time that we do have is much more quality than it would be if I were home with him. On weekends, I know that in a day or two I'm going to be back at work, so I savor the fact that we get to be together.

I think that me working, to some extent, is a choice that our family has made, not completely borne out of necessity. We've lived off a dual income for as long as we've been married, so the assumption was always that I HAVE to work. In reality, we could get by. We could make some sacrifices and live on a tight budget. It wouldn't bother me to give up some of my own luxuries. I don't, however, want to be that parent who says "I'm sorry, Liam, but we just don't have enough money to sign you up for soccer." Or, "I'm sorry, Liam, but we can't help you pay for college because we didn't have anything extra to save while you were growing up."

I suppose it is one big cost-benefit analysis. Give up our financial security, have the opportunity to be with him 24/7, and perhaps go nuts every now and then? Or be able to provide him with many of the same comforts my parents provided for me, have my own little life on the side, not go crazy, and increase the quality of the time that I do spend with my child?

The point is that being a good mom means different things to different people. Don't judge me for my decisions because what makes ME a better mom doesn't fit into your particular mold

People don't really warn you during the family planning stage about the constant judgment that comes along with parenthood :P It kinda smacks you in the face all of a sudden every now and then, like when you settle down for a nice relaxing hour of Dr. Phil.