Oh my goodness. I really wish that I could make both of my kids 2-and-a-half and freeze them there for all of time. Amidst the attempts to soothe a baby who's fussy pretty much every waking moment, Liam is providing us with a laugh a minute.
Around 2:30 this morning, Andy woke me up and told me I needed to come with him. We get to the doorway of our bedroom, and he points down to the floor. I look down and see Liam, sound asleep on his doggie, butt up in the air, on the floor outside our bedroom. How I wish he was capable of explaining that one.
Tonight I was watching TV downstairs while he was trying to go to sleep, and all I could hear was "Uh oh!!..." over and over and over again. He would say something else along with it, but I couldn't make it out. After a couple minutes of trying to find the remote, I hit the pause button, went to the stairs and heard "Uh oh! Liam poopy! Uh oh! I got poopy in Liam's diaper!"
Figuring I was just headed upstairs to change a diaper, I was certainly not expecting to find him standing there with his shorts on the floor, holding his diaper in a perfect hammock with the contents nestled inside. I just busted out laughing. I was very impressed that he had managed to take his diaper off for the first time without spilling anything out of it.
I know blogging it doesn't do it all justice...so much of it has to do with the innocence in his voice and the novelty of his ability to make complex sentences. And that he's my son and I find him a million times cuter than any of you do.
He has only started to show a hint of an interest in potty training. We always said that we are going to let him initiate the process. I don't know how the fact that he has figured out how to take off his diaper will change that in any way.
In other news, it has now been 24 hours since I have pumped. I believe I have officially lost my supply, even though I'd wanted to stop for a couple of weeks. It seemed like every day I would tell myself "this could be the day. Today, I could pump 3 times instead of 5." However, every day I would put off initiating the weaning process because it was just so hard to give it up.
It's just so...permanent. You can always ramp the supply back up if you have it, but once it's gone, that's it. You can't get it back.
The funny thing is that I went into it saying I wouldn't stress over it, and I didn't, really. I kept going because part of me wanted to, not because I felt like I had to in order to fulfill my commitment to motherhood. Still - it was so much harder go give up than I thought it would be.
The important thing to me was that I was successful in breastfeeding, even if I only did it a handful of times. I got to experience those few moments of bonding with Macy while I relaxed on the couch watching Jeopardy or something like that. I learned that it actually can be easy and painless. I at least know that I can move on with my life and know that I wasn't a complete failure at it.
In the end, my motivation came down to:
1) Andy was going back to work, and I didn't know how I was going to juggle breastfeeding/pumping and 2 kids,
2) The pump was due back to Northside on Wednesday, and I didn't want to drop another $70 on something I wasn't committed to, and
3) I bottomed out on the weight loss thing.
I feel so liberated! I can get up and get a shower in the morning without having to get a session in beforehand (if you've ever breastfed, I believe you know what I am talking about). I can go to bed at night without having to squeeze it in on top of getting both kids in bed. My bathroom counter is no longer half consumed by the pump-part drying station. I can have my life back and concentrate on bonding with my babies without having to excuse myself to pump or cast Liam aside to feed Macy.
Speaking of Liam, I also don't have to worry about him busting in on a pumping session as he did twice. AWK-WARD! 2-year-olds are naturally curious, so he'd get this look of wonderment on his face and start examining every inch of the process. There wasn't much I could do about it other than sit there and let my child see things he should never have to see. There also wasn't much I could do about him wanting to play with the knobs and turn it up full-force. Ouch.
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