It's funny how we put on such fronts when we're with our children while around other people. We want our children to be on their best behavior, and by gosh, whether or not they are, we're going to see to it that others at least THINK we're doing everything we can to control them.
Andy and I had church nursery duty this morning. Liam has a favorite toy - a Little People choo-choo train engine, of course. He plays with it every time he is there and pretty much has it the whole time. So this morning, this little kid a few months younger than him snatches it away from him, which led to a little mini-scuffle. Our first reaction? "Liam!! Share!!"
Of course, immediately afterwards, I regretted that. I mean, absolutely - I want to teach my child how to share. However, I don't know that the appropriate time to teach that lesson is when some kid is snatching something away from him. There are TONS of toys in that nursery - I think Liam is entitled to have a favorite, and if he doesn't want to share it, by all means, he doesn't have to share it. Now, if he was hogging ALL the toys and not letting anyone else play with anything just for the sake of being that way, that'd be different.
I also think maybe that sends the message that "sharing" occurs at the will of the person who wants the coveted item; all you gotta do is snatch something away from someone else because the kid that has something you want should theoretically be sharing. No "please may I play with that?" necessary.
It seems that, in the interest of giving the appearance that we're controlling our kids, we give them the short end of the stick sometimes. I am absolutely willing to discipline my child when he's in the wrong, regardless of who's around, and teach him those lessons that will help him thrive in social settings. However, I should also make a concerted effort to be fair to him.
Later on, that kid slammed the shutters of the play house in Liam's face, and he collapsed crying in my arms. There was also another instance where the kid tried to take something Liam was playing with, but I didn't catch it from the beginning and took the toy away from both of them since I didn't know the whole story; I suspect, though, that Liam had it first.
A little while later, Liam was playing with a stuffed bird that the kid snatched away from him. Andy and I both watched as Liam snatched it back and said "MINE!!" We secretly looked the other way while silently cheering for our little passive pushover of a kid for sticking up for himself and for what he was playing with.
It was a good learning experience.
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Church nursery might be a good place to teach "turning the other cheek."
Having recently read through the looong document of rules and regulations that Hilary has ascribed to in our church's Sunday school classes, I know that the ability for the class teachers to discipline is severely limited. Especially with someone else's kid!
I think maybe you get it right by taking it away from both kids, so Liam learns not to get attached to some material thing and the other kid learns that you da boss...oh, and sharing, that too.
Sharing lessons are probably better taught elsewhere anyway, when there's more than a 1 hour (or 2 hour) window to teach it. Like parents, maybe? Maybe.
Anyway, no parent wants to see their kid pushed around, even over just toys, but when Liam's older he'll learn just like the rest of us that no matter how kind or nice or willing to share you might be, there's folks that would rather force their will upon you because that feels better. Everything starts in childhood.
And as you might know, Liam is better off being on the short end of the stick. It may be a pretty depressing thought, but perhaps the church nursery is just as good a place as any to learn what Christ meant when He said that if the world was against Him, it would certainly be against us as well.
ha ha! Were you in there after the Sunday School class? Sounds like it may be good that Caleb didn't go! LOL Guess what his favorite toy in the nursery is!?!? The train! (I am really not sure why...that thing has to be from when I was a two year old!) Our boys are SO similar! I think it is cute!
Oh, and the stuffed bird? If it is the Eagle that you can make fly, Caleb is totally scared of it! :)
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