I always thought it was incredibly sad when a parent loses a child, but now I just can't handle it. I just finished the newest Jodi Picoult book, where this mom lost one child and was about to lose a second one to heart failure. While I'm not sure how much I liked the book overall, as I'm not exactly politically aligned with the stances the book took on a lot of things, I had to try very hard to hold it together at times.

I had this dream the other night that Liam had a tumor on his heart. I took him in to have it removed (as if it was some simple procedure), and I watched them take it out. They stitched him up and took it for testing, and then I was holding him and decided I had to know right then what would probably happen if it was found to be cancerous. I was searching all over the place for a doctor who could tell me something, and I was holding onto Liam for dear life. Then I said to myself that I really needed to just get in the mindset that I was going to lose him (hope for the best, expect the worst, I guess), and started mentally preparing myself for that. I could probably be an actress and summon massive tears at will just by thinking about that dream.

I just can't imagine. I always say that taking on someone else to love is so scary because you just have that much more to lose. Motherhood has made me an emotional basketcase (I can usually hold it in when need be), and not because of the hormones but just by how much I love that kid with everything that I have.

I have always cared about what people think of me, and it always pains me when people don't like me. Then I was thinking today that there will be people who won't like Liam. I realized how much less I care about what people think of me but how much it hurts me to think of anybody EVER not liking Liam.

Andy and I left him with my parents from Wednesday to today (Friday) so we could go on my business trip to St. Simon's Island. I missed that kid so badly! It was nice to get back to him, even though we only had about an hour with him before bedtime, and I kind of miss the beach. He smiles SO MUCH, and it just makes me happy.

Anyways, enough with the sap for now.