Life is good. We are beyond the whirlwind of the first couple weeks/months. I think that what made the difference was 1) completely giving up pumping and 2) getting Liam out of our room.

It was so stressful knowing that whenever we needed to do anything, like, you know, go to bed, it would be a several-hour ordeal with pumping, feeding, getting the diaper bag ready, etc. Now I have my little formula dispenser, which we put the pre-measured amounts of formula into and have a few bottles of water ready in the diaper bag...at night, I feed him and rock him to sleep, put him in his crib, and just fill up three bottles of water and the formula dispenser.

This usually happens between about 7:30 and 8:30. Then I have about an hour to just be me before going to bed. I go to my room, and there is no Pack N Play or cradle or anything...it's just our space. Liam has his space, and we have ours. We decided to head this route when he was about two months old, right before I went back to work. It's been great.

I think also just having fallen into a routine just makes everything so much easier to handle. It feels like our life before, but with this wonderful child added into the mix. I am enjoying a few relatively easy months before he becomes mobile ;)

I just remember those first few weeks, a couple new moms told me that it would get easier and those first few weeks would become a blur. I did NOT believe them. I thought, "this is so hard, and I don't know if I can handle it, and it's so PERMANENT." I really don't think anyone thinks of the permanency when they start trying to get pregnant. Now I just love it and can't remember it ever being difficult. As it is with any time I feel nostalgic, I feel like I want to go through that insanely difficult and trying first few weeeks again. I want another baby now! Not enough, though, to actually have another baby now. I just think that when our predetermined time to start trying comes up again, I'm game. 2 months ago, I was about to swear off sex so that no future babies would ever, ever happen.

I'm REALLY, REALLY ok stopping at 2 kids, though. I used to think I wanted 3, but I think 2 would make me feel complete. If I were to have 3, I would just want it to be twins so I have no choice in the matter. Call me masochistic.

I tell you, though, I HATE leaving him to go to work. His fussy time is in the evening, so sometimes I get a bit sad that my only dealings with him during the week are when he is inconsolable. I stare at his pictures all day - I have a couple of my absolute favorites in front of my computer. I look at his cheeks and I think "I know exactly what it feels like to kiss them," and I wish I could just kiss his cheeks. I call Andy about 10 times and hear his little noises in the background, and it melts my heart. It hurts, but I tell you working is much easier than being a mom - not that I want to work over being a mom - but as long as that is the situation, I look at it as being my little life away from home, something to call my own.

Andy's schedule is changing in May, so we have enrolled Liam at Kids R Kids for 3 hours a day to start in May. Andy will work 3pm-11pm, so he'll drop him off around 2, and I'll pick him up when I get off work, which will be somewhere around 4:30. I'm happy about it - Liam will get a bit of socialization, but I won't have to leave him there all day long. It's amazing, though, how personally you take the thought of your kid being under someone else's care.

Anyways...I suppose I should go enjoy a little more time before going to bed and starting another week (not before, of course, getting up twice during the night for feedings - oh the joys!).